I had a brilliant idea. At least I thought it was. I was going to make toothpaste.
I have read recipes, and generally coconut oil and baking soda are common ingredients.
I thought I was being clever, and decided to melt the coconut oil, and then stir in the baking soda, the idea being that it would combine together like flour and fat when you make gravy.
So after the coconut oil melted, I added the baking soda and stirred it until it became “the desired consistency” (which was really just however I thought it should be). Honestly it smelled pretty bad, but I kept going.
Now, I put it in a little container. It started separating, which was not what I had hoped for.
Then I realized I made a big mistake and neglected to add water, so eventually it would solidify and be unusable. So I added some water and stirred it (ironically with a flosser that has fluoride on it, which probably added a bit of the poison to my “healthy toothpaste”), and it became a powdery consistancy, which was fine with me.
I put it on my toothbrush and started brushing. It tasted HORRIBLE, which I had expected, I mean baking soda is pretty gross, and coconut oil is fine, but it is pretty subtle to try to hide the power of baking soda. What I hadn’t expected was it to burn like fire. I was a trooper and brushed through the pain, and then brushed with toothpaste, because my mouth hurt and tasted nasty.
Then I remembered that if you heat up baking soda it becomes washing soda. Which is used in making laundry detergent. I basically had just brushed my teeth with laundry soap. That is probably why my gums were still tender today. So now I have some worthless concontion. I can’t use it for cleaning because the coconut oil might ruin things. I can’t use it for brushing my teeth because it might kill me, or make my teeth fall out (I have no idea if these things would happen, much like my “toothpaste” recipe, I am making things up as I go along) after my gums burn away. On the plus side, my teeth ARE a little whiter.
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