Today we have a story from Mandi about her and her husbands adoption experience. You can read her blog at Mandi & Jeremys Adoption Blog. Although she doesn’t update her blog as often now, I advise checking it out, she has a way of writing that makes it seem like you are a friend she is talking to. For more frequent updates, and to see pictures of her adorable daughter, check out her facebook page Mandi & Jeremys Adoption Blog.
Mandi & Jeremys Adoption
Making the Decision to Adopt
Even before my husband and I got married we were not trying to not get pregnant. We figured well we know we are meant to be, and we both want kids, so no reason to stop it, let it happen when it happens. Two years pass and nothing. I decide to start taking Ovulation Tests, (Yeah, peeing on a stick for a few days each week sucks). We had to do the, “Hey I am ovulating, get home now!!”, taking all the romance out of things 😦 Another year passes. I decide to get tested etc……… No real conclusion came of it. Basically I was poked, had blood drawn, etc. Most women in my situation can relate. One day we got a call from my sister who is 6 years younger than me, not married, quit college, and is working in a gas station. Guess what, she is 4 months along. Guess what, her dog is pregnant too!!! I basically go in to shock that day. I can’t cry, I can’t eat, and to top it off we are on our way to my mother in laws. I am like this for a good long while. Apparently my husband, worried about me, called my family and told them not to call me, mentioning any of the pregnancy to me, he doesn’t want me upset more than I am. Finally, in October 2011, we decide to start looking in to our options, I can’t go through another doctors appointment or have any more blood drawn, I don’t want to/can’t subject my self to more tests, or hearing that I need to loose weight by another doctor. We talk adoption, surrogacy, all possible options. I didn’t think we would really do it. It cost way too much. We can’t afford it. But I still keep looking. My husband, determined to adopt, decided that we will pay for the adoption by borrowing from his 401K. This is a common practice you will find people do to pay for an adoption.
Starting the Home Study
Now that we have Officially Announced to the world that we were looking in to adoption, we had to do a Home Study. From all the info I had read 50% of people who want to adopt quit in the middle of the Home Study Process. It is a complete violation of all areas in your life. You will dislike it, and how much information you have to provide. While in this process we also spend time calling Adoption Attorneys, and agencies. Phone call after phone call. We kept a spread sheet of projected cost among all these places. Yes I know the cheapest place may not be the best, but I wanted to make sure I wasn’t gonna get ripped off. We automatically said no to the places that wanted $10,000 in bio parent fees. I mean really, we are not even matched yet, and you say we will need that much for the mom. I think not. That is what they, according to the state, can get. So if they promise the girls that much, well they get the bio moms business.
Deciding on a Agency
After talking to too many places, that I felt like my mind would melt and changing my mind back and forth between two. I finally made my decision. It was an agency that a co-worker of mine used. He had a successful adoption through them a few years back. On March 8th we are Home Study Approved. On March 22nd the agency approves us. By April 5th our Profile Book is approved to show to potential expecting parents.
WE ARE OFFICIALLY APPROVED TO WAIT
I spend this time getting items for the baby’s room. Everything is gender neutral. We figure, if I was the one to give birth, we would not have a choice of boy or girl, so why would we choose in adoption. We did a registry at Babies”R”Us and Target (BTW do not leave your husband alone with the scanner, you would not believe the things he will add, like a $100 box of Star Wars Legos. Like a newborn needs those) I stocked up on cheap/good diaper deals that I find on couple of sites (if you do this make sure to get an array of different sizes) all of this kept me busy.
On May 8th we were contacted about a match!!!! I was so happy. 4 weeks later on June 12 after two weeks of no contact from the mom, the agency unmatched us from her. She would not take calls, would not attend her doctor appointments or anything. So there were two possible outcomes: 1. The mom decided to parent her self, or 2. It was a scam to get some bills paid. We lost about $2,500 from this failed match.
On June 13 another birth mother chose us. That night after our first match was canceled the showed our profile to this other lady. We thought it was fate if in less than 24 hours we are re-matched. We did though choose not to tell our Family about this match, JUST IN CASE. I spent time with this mom on the phone, got to know her, I really liked her. A week passes and I get a Call from out Agency. And well the JUST IN CASE happened. This birth mom did not disclose the medical issues with her pregnancy. Apparently the Child was possibly mentally handicapped. And had a problem with its heart, and surgery was going to be required when born most likely. I got this call at work. I cried and cried sitting at my desk. I made the impossible decision, and yes with out telling my Husband. I CANCELED the Match. As much as I want to be a mom, we can not afford to support a child with life long disabilities. I close the door to the nursery, Stop shopping for baby items, and stop blogging about the adoption for the rest of June and all of July. I just needed to do something to keep my mind off my two little ones that I have lost.
On August 18th my husband and I were busy running to Target for a Awesome Coupon Deal. Lets just say DOVE shampoo and conditioner for .25¢ a bottle after coupon and in store deal. I wanted stock up. On our way home from one stop, I looked at my phone and noticed I missed a call. A CALL FROM THE ADOPTION AGENCY! Now it has to be something big if a adoption agency calls you on a Saturday. The agency then calls my husbands phone. A little girl was born, she is a few days old. The mom decided to place her, and has already signed all the paperwork. Would we like the Match. The catch is we have to be in this other state by tomorrow to pick her up, or she goes to foster care. Well We said YES. and within 4 hours, we were packed, had a place to keep our dogs, and were on out way to the airport. Sunday August 20th at noon I meet my Little Lady Bug. I love her so much.
Now we are at the point that we need to finalize our Adoption. We hope to have our court date some time in Feb-March 2013. I will make sure to keep people up to date about it all on our Facebook Blog. I can’t wait. I plan on having a big party the weekend after we get back from Finalization.
Be sure to check out the “other days of Christmas” for more adoption stories and some giveaways!
- The First Day of Christmas
- The Second Day of Christmas
- The Third Day of Christmas
- The Fourth Day of Christmas
- The Fifth Day of Christmas
- The Seventh Day of Christmas
- The Eighth Day of Christmas
- The Ninth Day of Christmas
- The Tenth Day of Christmas