random, scary

Gross!

So last Saturday I started my period again.  Which is only 20 days after I last thought I started my period.  But I have no idea about that one.  Usually I figure people (girls anyways) know if they are or are not on their period.  But there were two times during my absurdly long cycle (or perhaps my not that long cycles depending on what was really going on…) that I didn’t know.  It seemed like more than spotting, but less than a period.  This time I am abundantly aware.  Sadly, so was everyone walking into Target behind me Saturday morning when I leaked out of my pad onto my khaki pants and had to wear my shirt around my butt the rest of the day and wear my big puffy coat and sweat to death.

In interest of being amusing, instead of JUST disgusting, I have collected up some euphemisms for being on your period. 

  • Surfing the crimson wave – Cher said this one in Clueless
  • I’m hemorrhaging – Vada in My Girl
  • A Dishonorable Discharge from the Uterine Navy
  •  Panty Shields Up, Captain!
  •  Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System
  •  Bleeding the lining of my uterus through my sexual organs
  •  on the rag  
  •  Crimson curse
  •  Fighting the Scarlet Crusade
  •  I’m BLEEDING to death – I tend to use this one a lot
  • I’m punctuating
  • Scourge of Eve 
  • Self-cleaning
  • Red dot of doom

There are about a zillion more, some of them really, really dumb, others super hilarious but more than a little off color.  I don’t want to be offensive so I stuck to PG rated ones 🙂
 

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