infertility

The Elephant

(Just to let you know, I write my blog entries in a notebook, then type them up later.  I also tend to write half a dozen in a day or two, then schedule them to publish on different days.  So “today” is rarely actually the day something is published.  Not that it matters, but I felt like I was being dishonest not telling everyone.)

Today we went over to our friends’ house for dinner.  These are our friends from church and it was an activity for our Sunday School class.

My husband and I are both total flakes, so we totally forgot about it until they texted us about an hour before we were supposed to be there.  Which is fine, because we live like two minutes away.  Michael asked me if I wanted to go.  I said “No, but we should.”

So we went and had a really good time.  But there was an elephant in the room.  I’m pretty sure it was my imaginary friend, because I highly doubt anyone but me knew it was there.  The elephant’s name?

INFERTILITY
There were four girls there.  One was pregnant with her 5th or 6th baby.  Girl #2 was pregnant with her baby, an accident.  The third just gave birth to her second baby, an “oopsybaby” as well.  The fourth girl?  Me.  Still “unpregnant” after 5 years of trying.  Girl #2 was holding the baby and said she was practicing for her baby.  I wanted to leave or throw up or something, but I just forced a smile.  It was such a dumb, petty thing, but it upset me.
That was why I didn’t want to go.  I knew I would be the childless one.  I actually kind of hate going to church now, and try to get out of it.  you see, something you never think about is that most people don’t start going to church on a regular basis until they start popping out kids.  So I am pretty much the only barren girl around.  Which sucks, but seems to be the story of my life.
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