I have a confession. Sometimes I miss “the old Rachel”. The one who dyed her hair black (or blonde and pink) and pierced things. The one who could drink six beers and NOT throw up. “New Rachel” feels sick after two drinks and things she is to good for beer. She is kind of scared of dying her hair because of the chemicals, but even when she does, it is only to various shades of brown. Piercing things seems like a huge waste of money to “new Rachel”. “Old Rachel” was also WAY hotter than “new Rachel”. Probably because she was skinnier and dressed like a slut (but neither old or new Rachel was/is a slut!).
What happened to “old Rachel”? She met her husband. He was not a huge fan of her ability to drink like a fish or her tendency to poke holes in her face. This is NOT a bad thing. Being a stupid teenager forever would be a bad thing. You don’t want to be 45 and acting like you are 18. It is just pathetic. Even though I miss “old Rachel” sometimes, “new Rachel” is better. Now if only “new Rachel” could be “new skinny Rachel”…
What got me thinking about the old me vs. the new me?
Two Things: Converse and Warped Tour.
From the time I was about 15 I wanted some Converse tennis shoes (sneakers?). Problem is that they are about $40 for a pair of canvas shoes. Both my mother and I are much to cheap to make that purchase, so I settled for knock-offs (one of which I wore to death, the other had a Superman emblem so I didn’t wear them as much. I still have those ones). Last weekend we went garage saleing (I make up words all the time), and I saw a pair of flats I wanted for $2. There was also a pair of slightly beat up pink Converse for $5. Michael asked me if I wanted them, and I was like, well they are kind of worn out. He knew I wanted them, so he offered the guy $4 for both pairs of shoes, and the guy was cool with that. So I took them home and washed them. Today I put them on. And felt mildly retarded. I really do like them, but I feel like they look like kids shoes. I am totally going to wear them, But I feel like I shouldn’t be.
I went to Warped Tour in 2004 and 2005. *tangent – I actually managed to go the entire day without peeing both times, which is quite an accomplishment for me. There were only porta-potties and neither old or new Rachel uses porta-potties* It was really fun and I saw some awesome bands. Since I met Michael I have not gone. It is not really his scene, and I don’t want to go by myself. I bring it up every year, and he tends to look at me like I have two heads. This year he said maybe. I was really excited for about two minutes. Then I realized that I am way to old to go. Not that all 25 year olds are to old, but the life I live is to old. My weekends are spent watching HGTV and cleaning house, not going to shows and getting drunk.
I don’t want you to get the idea that Michael is controlling, or MADE me change. He isn’t, and he didn’t. He made me WANT to change. Which is good. Your spouse should be someone that makes you want to be a better person. I am 100% certain that “new Rachel” is better than “old Rachel”. But every once in a while I miss her. She makes me feel old.