crazy, infertility

Life Sucks

In case you some how missed it, I’m in a pretty pessimistic mood lately.

Moving and infertility really get you down.

I’ve covered moving in great detail lately, now I will tell you how infertility is related to my moving trauma.

Michael’s sister is pregnant.  I (with a few exceptions) attempt to avoid pregnant people like the plague.  Honesly if you are my Facebook friend and you get pregnant, chances are that I will unsubscribe from you,  I don’t unfriend you, I just don’t want to see:

  • complaints about being pregnant – You are pregnant, I am not.  So the last thing I want to see is you complinaing about it.  Morning sickenss lasts 9 months or so.  My inablitity to conceive a child has lasted almost 5 yeras.
  • belly pictures – I’m just jealous okay?
  • ultrasuonds – still jealous

Usually I see Michael’s sister very rarely.  But living at his mom’s house, I am pretty sure I will have to see her more often (I don’t hate her, I am just incredibly jealous and don’t want to deal with it).  It is really stupid, but when Michael’s family members get pregnant (or mine if that happened) it upsets me MUCH more than if a friend gets pregnant.  As ridiculous as it is, I feel like they are stealing something from me, even though it was never mine. 

So I am pretty upset with the situtaion I unknowingly got myself into.  Espcailly since Michael said she wants to talk to me about it because she feels bad (I don’t keep my infertility a secret.  I blab it to anyone who will listen), but I DON’T want to talk about it.

A bit of advice to any of my friends or family members who read this.  If you get pregnant before I do (which is almost inevitable at this point) please do one of the following:

  • unfriend me on Facebook until you have the baby.  Obviously this only works if we are friend who don’t see each other in “real life”, and if we have no mutual friends that we see in “real life”.  When you give birth, refriend me, I would love to see your beautiful baby!
  • if we are friends that see each other more than once a year, so telling me can’t be avoided, then please, please, please! text me, email me, write me a letter, anything that doesn’t involve me being told face to face.  It isn’t that I am not happy for you, I am.  But my sadness for myself makes it REALLY hard to muster up the enthusiasm that a pregnancy announcement deserves.  Writing something more enthusiastic than I feel is easy, acting it is not.  Don’t be offended if I ignore it for the most part when I see you.  I don’t want to think about it. 

I also am now boycotting baby-showers, so don’t take that personally either!

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