crazy, food, infertility

I Am A Masochist.

mas·och·ism (ms-kzm)

n.
1. The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused.
2. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from being humiliated or mistreated, either by another or by oneself.

3. A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.
See as how I am not a pervert, nor do I derive pleasure from pain, I was more aiming for definition #3.
 
Today I took a pregnancy test.  I waited until I was 20 days late.  I am on cycle day 47.  My longest previous cycle was 45 days last month.  I have been having lots of cramping but no bleeding, and I REALLY want ramen and peanut butter.  This was my best shot at a positive pregnancy test.  It was (of course) negative.
 

I knew it would be.  After 47 cycles without getting pregnant its a pretty good bet.  I am NOT a gambler, but I would totally put money against me getting pregnant any given month.  A pretty good amount of money.  I made Michael look at it, which is why I am awake right now.  He was not impressed since I had peed on it.  And then I had to go look at it too.  After all he might not know that a faint line is still a positive.  All I had was an invisible line.  Does that count?
 
I was going to wait an extra week to test.  One more week for my period to start.  But Michael made me buy tests yesterday, and when they are sitting right on my kitchen table (I take a long time to put things away) I can’t help but want to pee on them.  It was a three pack so I am set for quite awhile.
 

So now it is 7 am and I am at the computer eating Valentine’s Day Junior Mints for breakfast.  Nothing like starting your day right.  But chocolate releases endorphins right?  After a negative pregnancy test I need endorphins so I can keep my promise to Michael of not being a crazy b*tch to him tonight when he gets home because my stupid body can’t just function like it is supposed to.  I would say his doesn’t either, but this month its all my body making problems for me, because his sperm count has nothing to do with me having the longest cycle ever.
 

These Junior Mints are amazing.  I mean they taste the same, but the novelty of them is awesome!

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