Unless I spelled that wrong, awkward is a really awkward looking word actually… I just used the spell-checker and I spelled it right.
I am not only physically bumbling, but socially as well. I just don’t know what to do. I want people to like me, I really do. Which is strange because in general I don’t like people when I first meet them, but I still need them to like me. To avoid people NOT liking me, I just don’t talk to them. Kinda counter-productive considering that probably makes most people think I am a snobby bitch, when really I just would rather have them not like me for assuming I am a bitch, then really getting to know me and not liking me for more personal reasons.
Even social interaction with people I know and like sometimes makes me uncomfortable. Like I would love more friends considering (if you don’t count facebook or people I talk to if I run into them) I have two friends, one of whom I hardly see because I am to cheap to use up my gas and to lazy to drive all that way by myself anyways. But I can’t just ask people over, what if they say no? What if it turns out that they don’t actually like me, they are just pretending? What if they say yes, then it ends up we have nothing to talk about and just sit around avoiding eye contact? What if I invite them to dinner and they hate my cooking? Alot of things can go wrong when you are trying to make new friends. Or I am guessing it can, I have not actually tried in years.